The Journey to Self-Love

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

While I was growing up, boys hardly expressed interest in me. At first, that didn’t bother me. I was completely content with my fun, loving family. They always made me feel secure and protected. I was so comfortable that I didn’t think that anything was missing from my life. When I became a teenager, things started to change. I noticed people around me getting into relationships. My friends were getting roses and chocolates from their boyfriends. I studied literature and was enraptured by the stories of love. I admired girls in popular culture who were able to change bad boys to affectionate, kind and driven guys. I began to believe that love means that you put the happiness of another person first, no matter the circumstances. It baffles me now, but I was willing to commit myself to almost anyone who expressed interest in me. I made excuses for everything, even cheating and emotional abusing. I told myself that I was already lucky to have a guy who wanted to be with me. I assured myself that it was okay to continue with ‘halal’ dating because “Allah will understand”. I feared that if I let go, I would not be liked by anyone else.

You know what? I was not happy. I was exhausted from running after people. I was sick of the drama. I was tired of cleaning up other people’s messes. After getting my heart broken for the 4th time, I decided to give myself a break. I stopped to reflect why I kept choosing the wrong guy. I realised that I was looking for someone to fill a void. My head was in the clouds. I didn’t love myself enough. The kind of people I chose reflected how I felt about myself inside. Yes, I have the right to blame the people I dated for some of the awful things they did to me. I’m not going to whitewash their actions – They were wrong then, and they are still wrong now. However, I also had to accept the fact that I did not leave; I allowed them to treat me the way they did.

That’s when I started my journey to self-love. I realised that I didn’t have to look far. I just had to open the pages of the Quran. It is filled with Allah’s love letters to us. Allah has made himself clear – He created me in the best possible form. I am loved. I am enough. I am worthy. I began to see myself as Allah sees me. Allah is infinitely kind and merciful. He is absolutely just and immeasurably wise. Me being here is not a mistake or an accident. Allah has a purpose for me.  He chose the complete religion for me. He favoured me over many of those He has created. How can I not love myself?

I’ll be honest with you – I am still on this journey. There are days when my insecurities creep up on me unexpectedly. It’s harder to admit that you’re perfect than to criticise and judge yourself. However, I can confidently declare that I am much happier now. Tony Robbins said, “When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.” Trust me, the more you centre your life on Allah and the more you read and apply the Quran and Sunnah, the greater the tranquility you will feel in your heart. As I realigned myself, I noticed the people in my life changing. The ones who were never faithful to me took their leave. The ones who held the same values as me, the authentic Alia Abdullah, stayed. I also attracted someone who’s kind, stable, reliable and loves me for who I am – my husband. Wallahi, he makes me want to be a better person just by being himself. Alhamdulillah.

See yourself as Allah sees you.

Allah is forgiving, and our past does not determine our lives. Just because things didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while. “It may be that you hate a thing though it is good for you, or love a thing though it is bad for you. Allah knows, but you know not. “[2:216] You just have to dust yourself off and let go. Allow yourself to be embraced by Allah. Seek solace in His beautiful names. Think well of Allah.

See yourself as Allah sees you.

Avoid comparing yourself to others. Ponder on the gifts that Allah has bestowed upon you. Muster the courage to ask your family and friends what they love most about you. Break yourself free from the chains of self-doubt. Choose what is best for you.

See yourself as Allah sees you.

You deserve to live a fulfilling life. Walk away from anyone who harms your dignity. Walk away from anything that drives you away from Allah. Walk away from those who keep picking a fight with you. It’s true what they say. The battle they are fighting isn’t with you. It is with their selves.

Wallahu a’lam.

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18 Comments Add yours

  1. Assalamualaikum sister Alia. It a great writing!!! I feel the same with what you wrote Now i must learn how to love myself first and keep connected with Allah ☺ Thanks much with your great writing to inspire people like me outhere

    1. Waalaikumussalaam sister! How may I address you? Alhamdulillah, I’m so happy to hear that this is beneficial for you. May Allah keep us on the straight path to Him, Aamiin.

  2. hotaru says:

    MashaAllah a great post👍😭!juz what I need right now😌! Thankyouuuuu so much😊!your words widens my mind and make me feel free at heart alhamdulilah ☺️🙂

    1. Alhamdulillah. Your words have brightened up my day. May Allah grant you peace and ease, Aamiin.

      1. hotaru says:

        Aamiin Ya Rabb ☺️

  3. Chelsea says:

    Mashallah great writing. Self-love is a hard journey but you’re right, it starts with Allah and putting your trust in Him. Alhamdulillah so happy that you are happy =)

    1. Alhamdulillah! Thank you for reading. May Allah bless us with the knowledge and strength to always do what is right, Aamiin.

  4. gonzobae says:

    Reblogged this on gonzobae and commented:
    Always LOVE her posts. 🙂

    1. Alhamdulillah, thank you so much Alia. I enjoy reading our posts toooo.

  5. Nad says:

    Alhamdulillah..May Allah bless you sister..Amin

  6. i love this, “See yourself as Allah sees you.” yeah.. thank for the inspiring post..

    1. Alhamdulillah, you’re welcome! 🙂 May Allah bless you with success in this world and the next, Aamiin.

  7. Shimaa Gamil says:

    Your words and ideas touched my soul. Thanks a lot Alia 🙂
    Here is Shimaa from KAUST, we met once before 😉

    1. Salaam Shimaa! 🙂 Alhamdulillah. I really am touched that these words bring benefit.

  8. Shida says:

    Hi! Can i have ur email adress?

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