Dear Heartbroken One

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.

Let’s just put it out there – I’m a hopeless romantic. When I was in kindergarten, an adorable boy told his mother that he wanted to marry me. From then on, I introduced him to everyone as my boyfriend. I love romantic movies so much that I’ve watched ‘A Walk to Remember’ more than 15 times. By the time I was 13, I had named all my six children. Pablo Neruda’s poems make me smile and cry. I used to joke with my best friends that I had my sophisticated, white wedding with crystal chandeliers and chiavari chairs all planned out. All I needed was to plant a groom beside me. Then, we would live happily ever after. And so I searched for my other half, the person who would complete me, the one who would make me whole.

578100_10152636428755274_668631597_n

Instead of finding ‘the one’, I went from one failed relationship to another. I wanted so much to be part of a magical couple that I started to lose myself. I allowed people to treat me like a mere option when they were my priority. I moulded myself to be more like what others wanted me to be. When someone commented, “Alia, you would be so pretty if only you were skinnier”, I ate almost nothing and ran up my 13-storey flat ten times a day. As I lost weight, I started being showed off as a trophy girlfriend. I got cheated on, by a guy whom I was convinced was my soulmate. I was never really happy. In fact, I felt lost and incomplete.

Then I realised that I had gotten it all wrong! Yes, marriage is wonderful and encouraged in Islam. However, when the same test (read: guys who were bad for me) keeps being given, it may be that I had not learnt the lesson I am supposed to learn. Allah is giving me a chance to make things right! To do that, I needed to figure out how to improve myself for the sake of Allah. I had to ask myself some tough questions. Did I want to get married for the sake of Allah or to gain acceptance and love from my partner? Had I prepared myself not only to bear children but to be the first madrasah to them? Was I knowledgeable enough to guide them to be Khalifahs of Allah? Is marriage the only means to complete my faith?

Let’s take the example of Sayyidatina Maryam (‘alayhissalam), also known as Mary. Before Sayyidatina Maryam was even born, her purpose had been set. Her ageing mother had vowed that if her prayer to have a child was accepted, she would ensure that her child would be dedicated to serving Allah. Fulfil her promise, she did. Sayyidatina Maryam wasn’t left to grow up on her own; she was placed under the care of Prophet Zakariya (‘alayhissalam), also known as Zechariah. She was raised in a room in a mosque. She was religious, chaste and modest. She did not mix freely with the opposite sex and confined herself within her prayer chamber. Whenever Prophet Zakariya entered Sayyidatina Maryam’s room to check if she was alright, he would be surprised to find that food had already been served. During winter, there were summer fruits. During summer, he saw winter fruits.

“Where is the food from, Maryam?”

“Allah provides to whom He wills.”

Sayyidatina Maryam was so pure that she was picked to bear Prophet Isa (‘alayhissalaam), also known as Jesus, without being touched by any men. The angels reassured her that Allah had chosen her and purified her and selected her above the women of the worlds. Fearing the reaction of people around her, she fled to deliver on her own in the middle of a scorching hot desert. Throughout her whole ordeal, she relied on no one other than Allah. She didn’t need anyone, not a husband or even her guardian, to be around.

Imagine how the people around you would react if you suddenly turned up with a newborn, without being married? Sayyidatina Maryam was given the difficult task of keeping quiet when she returned to her village. Naturally, everyone started criticising and cursing her. If you were in her position, would have remained speechless through the injustice that was being done?

Sayyidatina Maryam endured patiently and pointed to her baby. Then, Baby Isa stood up for his mother and informed the crowd that he was a Prophet. Subhanallah!

Without getting married, Sayyidatina Maryam was able to reach the pinnacle of piety. Her status was so high that she has a chapter in the Quran named after her. She showed us that she did not need a man; Allah Himself could defend her honour through His miracle.

How about me?

The purpose of my existence is to know, love and worship Allah. Every action, every step, every thought needs to be focused on Allah. To solve my problem, I had to go to the very root of it – my ever-widening distance from Allah. Am I looking for love because I am ready or because I am lonely?  Am I praying on time? Am I conscious of Allah in everything that I do? Am I reading the Quran consistently? Do I perform taubah and istighfar regularly? What have I been doing to strengthen my relationship with Him? With each answer, it became more and more apparent that my Imaan was on the decline.

Through the awful scrapes and burns and agonizing heartbreaks, I was moved to comprehend that, like Sayyidatina Maryam,  I had to turn to none except Allah. I came to realise that my relationship with Him is the most important relationship of all. Only Allah can grant me strength, courage, love, guidance, protection and patience. Only Allah is capable of making me whole. When I feel whole, I won’t rush to find a partner to complete me. When I feel whole, with Allah by my side, I would be able to walk bravely away from those who try to pry me away from Him. When I am whole, I would be better able to choose someone to share my completeness with and whom can accompany me on my path to Allah. A suffering that reminds you of Allah is better for your soul than a blessing that leads you to forget Him. Once you realize this, even your hardships can’t break you, in shaa Allah.

I’m not saying that I am perfect and that my level of Imaan is anywhere near Sayyidatina Maryam’s. However, things have picked up for me, alhamdulillah. This year, I got married to a man, whom I trust, can guide me to be a better Muslim. A man who was brave enough to walk up to my parents and ask for my hand in marriage. A man who made me realize why it never worked out with anyone else. Only when I was brave enough to let go and be the best version of me did Allah grant me someone so gentlemanly that part of me still can’t believe that he exists.

So don’t you worry, my fellow seeker. Allah knows when you are hurt. Allah knows when you are bereaved. Allah knows when you struggle to get up because all you want to do is curl up in bed and hide from the world. Be sure, that when Allah takes away something from you, He’s only making space for something better. We just have to keep striving…

Wallahu a’lam.

View the follow-up post here.

103 Comments Add yours

  1. Thank you for this article 🙂

    1. Alhamdulillah, you’re most welcome!

      1. nadya says:

        “Allah knows when you’re hurt. Allah knows when you are bereaved. Allah knows when you struggle to get up because all you want to do is curl up in bed and hide from the world. Be sure, that when Allah takes away something from you, He’s only making space for something better. We just have to keep striving…”

        Beautifully put. Brought tears to my eyes. I always comfort myself by imagining that if only Allah can tell me something that would be, ” i know you’re tired, but keep going” :’)

    2. aduka says:

      It’s not your body figure that count,it’s how your special ones treat you.If he want you,accept who you were and not that body figure.Who doesn’t want a beautiful girlfriend and nice figures but How long it’s can last.if he really loves you, he will accept it.Serbi kekurangan atau kelebihan.

      1. You’re right, Aduka. Physical beauty is only temporary. Only the beauty of the heart lasts forever. May Allah grant all of us partners that we gives us tranquility, affection and mercy, in shaa Allah!

  2. Sirajudin says:

    I cant believed that I actually read the entire article and all I can say its a good one. My sister once gave an advice before she got married.

    “Usah dambakan isteri sehebat Khadijah
    Jika diri tidak semulia Rasulullah

    Tidak perlu isteri secantik Balqis
    Andai diri tidak sehebat Sulaiman

    Usah mengharapkan suami setampan Yusuf
    Jika kasih tidak setulus Zulaikha

    Tidak perlu mencari suami seteguh Ibrahim
    Jika diri tidak sekuat Hajar dan Sarah”

    And my sister would qoute an ayat from the Quran that Good Men are created for good women. And one thing I learned from this, is stop having this worry who is your life partner, how is he/she is like but just focus more on being a good or in fact a better person. Wallahualam.

    1. Alhamdulillah, thank you so so much for reading. That’s really great advice from your sister. May Allah allow us to be the best Muslims we can be, in shaa Allah!

  3. hakimroslan says:

    And to you, I offer you my biggest thank you. I have loved and lost. So I am ever so grateful for this exquisite piece of work. May Allah find you a place in Jannah. Thank you once again

    1. Alhamdulillah! The words are not from me; they just come through me. Amiin ya rabb… You know what they say. It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Our experiences in loving another person gives us a hint about how much more we can love Allah, the compassionate and merciful one who created us. May Allah grant you the strength to pick up the pieces and emerge a greater person, in shaa Allah.

  4. Shhreennyg says:

    Reblogged this on Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust and commented:
    Beautiful thing I’ve read :’) Xx

    1. Alhamdulillah! So grateful that you’ve found this beneficial. I do hope that you’ll stay in touch. 🙂

  5. Athirah says:

    This article clearly speaks to me. Thank you so much! May Allah bless you!

    1. Alhamdulillah, it’s my pleasure really. May Allah bless you with the best for you! 🙂

  6. Xoxo says:

    Thank you for this.

    1. Alhamdulillah, you’re more than welcome. 🙂

  7. teehee says:

    Would love to get to know you personally<3

  8. Wow, I’m a man. But this story is amazing. Thanks for sharing sister.
    May Allah bless you

    1. Alhamdulillah. May Allah shower his blessings on you too.

  9. Amira Masri says:

    Assalam Alia!

    I’m taking this blog post on a personal approach because I think our stories are somewhat similar? I dunno, I grew up wanting the perfect love story, like the one I see in movies. And I was more of the awkward kid, or in other words, a late bloomer. Boys my age didn’t think I was pretty, and the boys who are actually into me are the ones I used to find icky (like I was any prettier lah hahahaha).

    When I was 19, there was a boy decent enough who was actually interested into me, and I thought- hey, I have the idea of a perfect love story, so I could just slot this person into this story and everything will work out just the way I want it to be lah. We were together for four years, and during that four years, he has hurt me in many ways unimaginable- cheated on me, made me feel like a terrible person, guilt trip me… basically, I thank Allah that after nearly four years, I escaped that toxic relationship even though it was against my will, because he was the one who asked for a break up and wanted to settle for another girl instead.

    After a lot of self thought, I realised that I bargained with myself the love I thought I deserved, and I knew that I deserved much more than what that guy could give me. And alhamdulillah, after half a year of steering clear from relationships, I’m confident enough to know what kind of guy I should settle for. I know what’s good for me, and what I deserve, and I cannot thank Allah swt enough for letting me go through that heartbreak of being just an ‘option instead of a priority’.

    I guess this has been a wonderful blessing in disguise 🙂

    1. Era Zainal says:

      my story is very similar to yours, we’ve been together for 3 years & few months since 17. I’ve never treat our relationship as ‘cinta monyet’ bcz i really want him in my future. he cheated on me like hundreds of time but I was keep forgiving bcz yknow “i love him too much”. i always prayed to Allah swt that if he’s not good for me, please keep us apart. however, when it happens, I’m the one always questioning Him why did He make him leave me. astaghfirullahalazim, thanks to you & owner of this post. I’ll try to heal bit by bit from here.

      1. Salaam dearest Era, hope this message finds you well. Alhamdulillah that Allah has answered our prayers and removed people who were bad for us from our lives. It’s really tough at a time like this but in shaa Allah, time will heal. Allah has promised us that with every difficulty, there is only ease. May we seek help through patience and prayer, in shaa Allah.

    2. Waalaikumussalaam! Blessing in disguise indeed! Thank Allah you dodged a bullet!! Your story touched my heart but your humour also made me laugh. HAHA. Good to know that you’re seeing the lighter side of what you experienced, alhamdulillah!! We can only plan but He is the best of planners. Perhaps we hate a thing and it is good for us; and perhaps we love a thing and it is bad for us. And Allah Knows, while we don’t. May Allah grant us the strength and patience to trust Him, in shaa Allah.

  10. Lisa says:

    Thank you for this article. You do not know the kind of day I had and when I stumbled across your article, but now that I have, I feel a bit better. Sometimes I worry as it seems nearly impossible for things to turn around when everything in the present seems so dark and bleak. But I’m hanging on to the things you’ve said and I can only hope for the best insha Allah.

    Thank you again, for opening up and sharing your experience with us.

    1. Assalamualaikum dear Lisa. Wish I was beside you to give you a hug. I can’t say that I know the exact pain that you’re feeling but I do know how horrible it is when I feel hurt. Hang in there… Allah says in the Quran. “Verily, with every hardship there is ease.” He repeated it right after. Scholars have said that this means that the test we face will never be greater than the ease He grants us. Through our difficulties, in shaa Allah, we will be humbled and we will come out better people. Stay in touch!

  11. izzahkhalil says:

    This could not have come at a better time. Just what I needed. Alhamdulillah, thank you for sharing this 🙂

    1. Alhamdulillah!! 🙂 Thank you so much for reading, dear Izzah. May we learn from each other, in shaa Allah.

  12. Aja says:

    Allah, thank you Alia for this article ❤

    1. Alhamdulillah! Hope you’re doing well, Aja.

  13. anna says:

    thank you for this article. It really hits me at all the right places. I have loved and lost it recently. And this is what I need, to know that i’m not the only to experience this broken heart. I’m staying strong to pick up the pieces.. Alhamdulilah and thank you again.

    1. Alhamdulillah! May Allah grant you the strength and patience to come our of heartbreak, in shaa Allah. I’m here to talk if you need someone to listen.

  14. thanks for this article. very related to me. and give me so much inspiration..thankx again.

    1. Alhamdulillah, it’s my pleasure. 🙂

  15. xemalala says:

    i was in tears by the time i reached the end of your post..i’ve loved someone all my heart only to be waken up by the fact that i was nvr needed and that i was meaningless to him, recently. Now, i believe everything is gonna be A okay, thanks to you.. God sent angel.. 🙂

    1. Alhamdulillah, the words are not from me. They just come through me. -hugggg- I’m soo soo happy that you’ve found positivity in dealing with something so tough. May Allah grant you strength and patience, in shaa Allah!

  16. Afarzana says:

    To be honest, this is a beautiful writing. My eyes were misty when I read this. I realized for every heartbreak that I felt, Allah is preparing something for me with one condition that I also work my relationship with him. Tq, I love this.

    1. Alhamdulillah… You know how the saying goes – if we only knew that what are Allah’s plans for us, our hearts will melt with the warmth of His love. May Allah grant you ease, in shaa Allah. 🙂

  17. Nadhirah says:

    Thank you so much for this.. Same story here.. hopeless romantic too.. but I forgot, I’m living in His world! I’m His creation..

    So I changed..
    Turn back to Him, hold on to Him..
    He listens..He knows the best..

    أَنَا عِنْدَ ظَنِّ عَبْدِى بِى
    “Aku sesuai dengan persangkaan hamba pada-Ku.” (Muttafaqun ‘alaih).

    1. Salaam Nadhirah. Alhamdulillah, thank you for reading. I’m extremely happy that you’ve found the path again. Your quote brings tears to my eyes. Indeed, we need to trust Allah and think well of Him. Please keep in touch.

  18. Nael says:

    Such an inspiring article!! I have loved and lost..and im staying strong to pick up the pieces..may Allah bless u and ur marriage sis!! I hope it is not too late to wish Cngratulations on ur wedding!!!! ☺

    1. Alhamdulillah! Thank you sooo much for your well wishes!!! You know what they say. It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Our experiences in loving another person gives us a hint about how much more we can love Allah, the compassionate and merciful one who created us. May Allah grant you the strength and patience to pick up the pieces and emerge a greater person, in shaa Allah.

  19. Fujii Itsuki says:

    Such an inspiring article.. Tq so much sis.. I adore u. Hehe.

    1. Alhamdulillah! Aww, you’re so sweeeet! 🙂 Stay in touch ok?

    1. Thank you so much for sharing. I hope this is beneficial, in shaa Allah.

  20. Fatima says:

    its the same as what i had experienced, felt,..
    But u manage to put it in a good writing for everyone..:)

    1. Alhamdulillah. 🙂 If you would like to have a conversation one day, do email me ok?

  21. sakeenahar says:

    nice!thank you ukhti:-)

    1. Alhamdulillah! It’s my pleasure.

  22. jc ramones says:

    after my ex-wife left us (me & 4 kids) for another guy, i didn’t believe that love exist. i even started to lose faith and thought that life is not fair. after wasted almost 2 years, i started to look for love again but failed one after another.

    until i realised that love will not come if i looked for it. it will come unknowingly, without u even to realise it.

    cinta itu bukan utk dicari atau dikejar. cinta yang tulus pasti akan muncul tanpa sedar dikala kau tidak sedar.

    Allah adalah pengatur yang sebaik-baiknya. Hanya perlu percaya pada aturanNya.

    1. Salaam brother, your story breaks my heart. I’m thankful that you shared it with me. You’re so strong and I admire your courage and trust in Allah. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for being responsible for your children, your amanah from Allah. May your children grow up to be compassionate, righteous Muslims who will make dua for your continuously, in shaa Allah. You’re absolutely right, Allah is the best Planner. Memang betul yang cinta tidah perlu dicari atau dikejar. Cinta yang paling kekal dan abadi ialah cinta Allah kepada hambanya. Allah says, “I am as my servant expects Me to be, and I am with him when he remembers me. If he thinks of Me, I think of him. If he mentions Me in company, I mention him in an even better company. When he comes closer to Me by a handspan, I come closer to him an arm’s length. If he draws closer to Me by an arm’s length, I draw closer by a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him. If my servant comes to Me walking, I go to him running.” (Al-Bukhari)

  23. Farid says:

    Sometimes all you need is for someone to tell you that you love and lost. But its ok. Someday someone will be the one you are seeking for. Which is worth worth the waits and hurts. Thank you for the article.

    1. Alhamdulillah, thank you for reaeding. You know what they say. It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Our experiences in loving another person gives us a hint about how much more we can love Allah, the compassionate and merciful one who created us. May Allah grant you the strength and patience to pick up the pieces and emerge a greater person, in shaa Allah.

  24. syifa' says:

    Thank u sis for the beautiful article.
    i realize so many things that i should do first after read your article.

    1. Alhamdulillah! I am so thankful that you find this beneficial. May Allah grant you the strength and patience to pick up the pieces and emerge a greater person, in shaa Allah. If you need to ask me questions, feel free to email me ok?

  25. adibah says:

    Assalamualaikum sister.

    Thank you for that beautiful piece there.. brought me to tears. I am a hopeless romantic as well. Love too hard while being hurt so hard too. My ikhlas was taken for granted. But, alhamdullilah as i realised now.

    May I share a bit of my story? Here goes.. I was just relieved from my bittersweet relationship which was against my will as he gave up on us. I meet him 10 years ago. I was with him for 2 years at first but he left me for the reason of not having any feelings for me anymore. He left. It knocked me so hard to the ground. So hard. It took me a few years to cure myself. There were some flirtings but no one actually attracts me to fall in love. Until I finally decided and feel that I can open my heart for love now (I was 25), I turned to Allah swt and prayed for jodoh. As the first person whom is going to offer me his heart is the one.

    One fine day, I was looking through facebook and checking who is online in the messenger and I saw his name (my ex) online. We were friends who doesnt see each other. I said salam and hi. I was surprised that he replied promptly and happily as he is the one who doesnt reply your text. From there we talked, talked, talked. Felt so good. Felt so right. Until the moment where he confesses that nobody is actually there for him like I did. He felt incomplete. Blah blah 🙂 and, he proposes. As in, proposed to me to be his wife. No time for girlfriend (as he said). I, being the hopeless romantic as I am, said yes. I thanked god for sending him for the answers to my prayers. As all love stories started, all was too good to be true. No, we did not get married right on as wished as he has to finish his studies. I let him. He promised to be back as soon as he finishes. He promised. Despite of my fear of his change of heart, I made him promise not to and he did. The wait was excrutiating as he changed. He never cheated. I know because I trust that he will never lie to me. He was always frank. Frank to the point where his words are always hurtful. I tolerated because I believed. I believed that Allah swt will not put me through this hardship if I couldnt go through it and it will stop when He says its time to stop.

    For 2 years, I was hurt and left to wait. I am not saying that there was a 100% harshness. There were time where he would text me out of the sudden and say love. I remembered that would sometimes brought me to tears of happiness just to be acknowledged by him with love. There were times where I decided to look for others there (which is in the mind but not my heart) and times where very nice guys trying to get to know me but suddenly there he was texting me saying all this love and being nice making me confuse of like, are you trying to remind me of your being? Then the next day, he would be back to his cold state.

    This year, I found out that he came back. Yes, without me knowing. I found out after a few days he was here. He told me after a few weeks he was here that hes back. After a few months, we meet. Yes, a few months. I asked nearly everyday to meet but he always said he is busy. A few months has gone pass by and suddenly he texted me that he cant be with me and that he chooses his future and he is going elsewhere with his friend to pursue his journey. Thats it.

    I never said anything after that. I never said okay or why. My heart was full of tireness and there was a surprise relief. People may say maybe because you dont love him anymore but in the name of Allah, I do love him so much. Until now. But, it may or not meant to be. My heart was so full of tireness from all the hurt that i refuse to cry. Alhamdullilah, I see clearly now that for those years, I have neglected the two most important ones in my life whom has brought me to live. Allah swt and my mama. I realised that for those years, I have loved him more than I love anybody else. Subhannaullah. Alhamdullilah, I am trying to be better a day at a time and praying for iman, takwa and hidayah to be whole in me. Amin.

    Thank you again, sister. Because before all this, all in my mind was that I had the right one or finding the right one when the right one is always Him.

    1. Waalaikumussalaam. It must have been very painful for you to write this but I am thankful that you shared your story with me, Adibah. -huggg- I’m sorry that you had to go through all these experiences. In Surah Ash-Sharĥ 94:5-6, Allah says, “For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.” The common understanding is that Allah grants us relief AFTER every difficulty that we face. However, I learnt that the He gives us ease WITH every hardship. It’s like how being sick is actually a way for us to lose our sins. With every test that we face, there is hidden wisdom and blessings. We don’t know why these horrible things happen to us but it’s not due to the lack of Allah’s compassion and mercy. He is the most merciful and loving. It’s due to our inability as human beings to comprehend the bigger picture. “Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you, do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it.” May Allah grant you strength and patience, in shaa Allah. Stay in touch, Adibah. I’m just one email away if you need to talk ok?

  26. rosey says:

    syukur alhamdullilah that u have found ur other half…and happiness…Allah works in many mysterious ways… for me…im still looking..and hoping that if i dont find my other half here in this worlds..Allah will reserve me an angle in heaven… Aminn…

    1. Alhamdulillah! May you be reunited with Allah in Jannah, in shaa Allah amiin.

  27. Lurve says:

    The article is really amazing, tQ for writing this, its really meant a lot to me. pls, dont stop writing.

    Another thing is, above story of Adibah, just reading your story make me feel tired already! i just cant imagine how u r going tru your life. But, after all, u have found whats the precious thing in life that u need the most.

    1. Alhamdulillah! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I’ve only started blogging again last year and your support means the world to me.

  28. drninie says:

    Reblogged this on Miracle.

  29. Ahmad Shahir says:

    Beautiful! Thank you. I do believe that soulmate too is rezeki.

    I wish in some way all my pakcik & makcik read this..hahaha!

    1. HAHAHA! Distribute the article during a wedding. 😛 Alhamdulillah, I’m glad you found this beneficial.

  30. Fiq says:

    Well said. Worth sharing. keep it up! 👍

    1. Alhamdulillah! Thank you so much for your encouragement.

  31. Meen says:

    Assalamualaikum.

    First of all thanks for the superb article Alia. Really appreciate this. In case someone is here to read the comments and search for anyone with the same shoes on (like i did :P), lemme share with you sisters, my version of story. Me and my somewhat ex boyfriend met when we were 16. we were in the same school. we were not that close but he asked me if i wanted to be his special. being young (and dumb) i said yes. and so we were together since. passed our SPM. went to different university for our preparation and degree years. he’s living in a diff state so it’s very rare for us to meet each other. the first 5 years was okay eventhough i realized that he sometimes let out some hurtful comments on my physical appearance (like, i was a teenager back then so i didn’t even care abt all those stuff). he kept telling me to lose weight, criticizing me for my skin color. one day, with Allah’s help, i discovered that he’s been cheating on me for a year plus. with his primary schoolmate. there was not only one girl, but a few of them. i read their fb messages in which he said they were nothing. i remember i was so heartbroken that i started running. non stop. i even skipped classes and went running instead. lost a few kgs. it took years for me to get over this bad break up. and now that i am slimmer (and fairer, like come on i’ve grown up so of course i started to take care of my skin and stuff) he keeps coming back and refused to stop getting in touch with me up until now. but he still have his side chick(s) with him. me, on the other hand, haven’t found the one for me yet. and i always pray to Allah that if he really is not the one from me, he will be kept awayyyy from me, like forever. and i seek for strength through articles like this one, written by Alia. thanks again ❤ remember girls, stop wasting your time with the wrong ones.

    1. Waalaikumussalaam Meen! Honestly, the boy (yes boy) you’re talking about sounds like a handful! I’m proud of you for turning to Allah and seeking His help. You’re absolutely right about not wasting time with the wrong people. When my heart was broken, I remember my best friend reading Surat Ar-Rūm 30:21 to me. It’s a verse we see on countless wedding cards – “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” I never really contemplated on it before that. Then, my best friend asked me, “Your husband is supposed to treat with with rahmah (intense love) and mawaddah (mercy). If he doesn’t respect you now, do you think he will respect you in the future? If he treats you like an option now, will he suddenly make you a priority in the future?” I don’t know about you but that totally woke me up hehe. May Allah grant us Imaan and bring us closer to people who will guide us to be the best Muslims we can be, in shaa Allah. Please email me anytime if you need to talk ok?

  32. nad84 says:

    Assalam..thanks for sharing hope
    I love this…
    Nice writing…

    1. Waalaikumussalaam Nad! Alhamdulillah. Thank you so much for your kind words. May we bring hope to each other, in shaa Allah!

  33. ulfa says:

    Glad ive chance upon your blog today sister! Sense some kinda magnet that says I should continue digging the blog. Am following you now 🙂

    1. Alhamdulillah, thank you for your support!!! I hope to keep in touch and learn from you too, in shaa Allah.

  34. Nudra shafini says:

    Thanx for the advice .This is what I’m looking for.i keep chasing after the man that I like but when he give response to me i feel like I’m in the air but when he ignore me I’m in despair. But whenever I try to move on i think I can but Allah keep testing me with him.That guy when I already can forget him then he will appear and act like he likes me but when I chase him ,he keep running.what should I do so that I can forget him? Besides we have different religion tho

    1. Alhamdulillah, you’re more than welcome. That’s a tough situation to be in. I’ll be honest with you. I get emotionally attached to people very easily too. As a result, not too long ago, whenever anyone started drifting away from me, I would enter into a state of panic. I just wouldn’t allow it to happen. I would try ways and means to get her to come back. I would call. I would try to make her meet up with me. I would even try to give in to demands. I did this, even when the person was obviously not good for me.

      There were many reasons why I acted the way I did. The most difficult to admit is that I had a fear of not being accepted by others. A part of me yearned to be validated by those around me. The thought of having people who did like me seemed like some sort of failure to me. I calculated my worth based on what others thought of me.

      Well that didn’t turn out well.

      I ended up hurt. I ended up getting betrayed by those who were, in reality, never true to me. I ended up feeling worse with “friends” than I ever did without. I remember running out of my house one day to sit on the staircase, sobbing hard all alone because I didn’t want to let anyone see how broken my heart had become. I was so thirsty for acceptance that I grabbed whatever water I could drink, not realising that what I reached for in my haste was salt water. Clearly, that did not quench my thirst at all. In fact, it just made me sick.

      Having gone through such tough experiences, I want to share 3 tips that I hope will benefit you, in shaa allah.

      Be whole

      Remember that you don’t need someone to complete you. Allah completes you. Always remind yourself that your mistakes and flaws don’t make you weak; they make you a fighter. Being able to be alone, with your heart centred on Allah, and still value yourself means that you can be with others without looking to them for respite and acceptance.

      Be kind

      Having a heart that is soft in dunya that is so so hard is not meekness. It’s true courage. Smile – it’s sunnah! Learn to smile at people who just don’t want to smile back at you. Smile at those who want to bring you down. Allah knows. I’m talking about a genuine smile. Not the ‘I’m smiling at you but inside I want to punch you’ smile. Trust me, it will make you feel better. If you don’t believe me… Just try it.

      Be brave

      In life, there should only be one race. Run towards Allah not to other people. Always ask, ‘for whose sake?’ Don’t be afraid to cut toxic, unstable people out of your life. These are the people who always seem to have a way to bring down your spirit. They are the ones who demand so much from you and then disappear from you. They are the ones who constantly distract you from Allah. Remember this. Our Prophet SAW was human, just like us. Although he made it a point to be compassionate to everyone he encountered, he too sought comfort in his close family members and sahabah during some difficult periods. You deserve to surround yourself with those who respect and love you as much as you do.

      Because “by time, indeed, mankind is in loss”.

      Wallahu a’lam.

  35. Adam Abdullah says:

    Assalam, thank you so much Alia for sharing. My story was different, i was the one yang mainkan my EXes,and i really do menyesal atas what ive done 😢. And now i hanya mampu pray for their happiness je.

  36. Dr Azimah Abd Shukor says:

    I cry when read your post

    1. Aww, don’t cry. Hope it benefits you in some way, in shaa Allah!

      1. Dr Azimah Abd Shukor says:

        InsyAllah 🙂 Thank You. Im on my way to Norway to move into a new life. Pray for me. I will read all your posting while reflecting myself during camping 🙂

  37. little girl says:

    Assalam..really nice beautiful writing 👍👍☺️😊..really hit me and make me realize a lot s huu thankyouuuuu☺️😊🙆!

  38. little girl says:

    Assalam..my story is same like you but a bit different in a way.. the guy is not asking me to change but we had our parents disapproval and difference of education status..at first he said he’s to willing to wait despite his mom asking him to marry early..said will endure anything and will try to improve himself and make my parents accepting him slowly..but eventually he give up and left me and go to another girl..its not only once but twice..and now he’s coming again to me after leaving the girl with him now saying he cant accept her and he’s most comfortable with me..will wait and will not leave again..can i trust him?should i give him a last chance?what should i do?

    1. Waalaikumussalaam… Sounds like a confusing time for you. If it were me, I wouldn’t take the change again because of the instability. Also, I often stick to people who honour their promises. It would be hard for me to imagine mawaddah and rahmah with a guy who cannot make up his mind, However, my recommendation is not to listen to me. I think you should turn to Allah instead. The description of Salaat al-Istikhaarah was reported by Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah al-Salami (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said:

      “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to teach his companions to make istikhaarah in all things, just as he used to teach them soorahs from the Qur’aan. He said: ‘If any one of you is concerned about a decision he has to make, then let him pray two rak’ahs of non-obligatory prayer, then say: Allaahumma inni astakheeruka bi ‘ilmika wa astaqdiruka bi qudratika wa as’aluka min fadlika, fa innaka taqdiru wa laa aqdir, wa ta’lamu wa laa a’lam, wa anta ‘allaam al-ghuyoob. Allaahumma fa in kunta ta’lamu haadha’l-amra (then the matter should be mentioned by name) khayran li fi ‘aajil amri wa aajilihi (or: fi deeni wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati amri) faqdurhu li wa yassirhu li thumma baarik li fihi. Allaahumma wa in kunta ta’lamu annahu sharrun li fi deeni wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati amri (or: fi ‘aajili amri wa aajilihi) fasrifni ‘anhu [wasrafhu ‘anni] waqdur li al-khayr haythu kaana thumma radini bihi (O Allaah, I seek Your guidance [in making a choice] by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allaah, if in Your knowledge, this matter (then it should be mentioned by name) is good for me both in this world and in the Hereafter (or: in my religion, my livelihood and my affairs), then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge it is bad for me and for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs (or: for me both in this world and the next), then turn me away from it, [and turn it away from me], and ordain for me the good wherever it may be and make me pleased with it.”

      May Allah grant you guidance, patience and strength, in shaa Allah.

  39. Zara Amirah says:

    Salam sis..
    Thank you for your post cuz it has given me hope when I’m at my lowest. Read this multiple times & thank you for the reminder 🙂

    1. Salaam dear Zara Amirah. Alhamdulillah. I hope things will get better and better for you, in shaa Allah. Email me at aliafatin.abdullah@gmail.com if you need to talk ya?

      1. Zara Amirah says:

        I’ll e-mail you a little later, okay? Maybe you can offer me some advice. Thank you again (:

  40. Rose says:

    Thank you for this wonderful article. Like a self reminder to me..i’ve got the answer …why until now (already 30s), i still not found the ONE & never been in love even for once! I realize that i have weakness in keeping my relationship with Him! Like you said, be whole!

    1. Alhamdulillah! The words are not from me; they just come through me. In shaa Allah, we will all return to Allah in the most beautiful way even before we take our last breaths.

  41. imane says:

    masya Allah this post is so relatable
    permission to share a part of this post

    1. Alhamdulillah 🙂 Sure, please share. The words are not from me; they just come through me.

  42. Yasmeen says:

    I keep on reading this for many times…its really touched my heart… i was once had broken hearted… n i always questioned myself why all this happened to me…at the age of 30.. i thankful to Allah for giving me a good carrier.. a good looks.. having surrounded by good friends.. but i still doesnt have a good guy to be my husband….. i believed that a good man for a good women…. n a good women for a good man… n for that reason… i never let any guy keep close to me.. i never let myself to hanng out with guys.. because i do believe that if u want to have a good man as ur husband.. then u have to restrict urself from those things that will lead u to zina…… and i do solat hajat n istikharah asking for Allah to show me the way…n finally when i met a guy who turned to be my answer of my prayer, i were left behind by that guy…. i was heart broken…. n i started to questioned myself again.. why all this things could happened to me…i was frustated…. then i found ur article… read words by words… try to digest them… n then i realized…. im too far from Allah…. im not consistently reading alquran.. im not consistently giving sedekah… im not praying solat right after adzan….im still not cover up my aurah the way its supossed to be……n i know Allah still loves me because i do believe that this is a reminder for me for not being to far from Him…. n right now… i still trying to be a good muslimah…. n still waiting for the right guy to finally be my halal one n guide me to be a better muslimah…

    1. Hugggg… You sound really determined and strong, ma shaa Allah. I admire your efforts in being a better Muslimah. May Allah grant you peace and sabr, in shaa Alllah. If you still need some tips, I wrote some here: https://aliaabdullah.com/2015/11/10/dear-heartbroken-one-part-2/

  43. humaira says:

    Assalamualaikum..
    Hye dearie. I always wanted to drop u a comment but i only find courage now.haha.. TBH, i’ve re-read ur post countless times since i have had d loved and lost moment not so recent. Congrates for delivering it in a very nice way. Act, i’ve moving on from d bad exp, getting to be better muslimah as u said but I always have this feeling that, i’m d 1 who caused the break up. Like blaming myself for all d messed since the last fight we had was, he told me that he got enough patient for me all this while. So i get stressed out upon that word till now. How to handle that sis? Owh..its like asking for love advise pulak

    1. Waalaikumussalaam! So sorry dear. I must have missed your comment. Hugggg. If you were the one who unwittingly hurt someone else, seek their forgiveness. Then, try your best to forgive yourself. It’s hard when someone you still care about doesn’t even want to talk to you but remember, you can’t change the past. We are not perfect. You are a combination of all the lessons you’ve learnt from mistakes that were committed. You are a work-in-progress, so be at peace with yourself. What matters is that you get back up when you’re kicked to the ground. Make it a point to unlearn negative behavior and thought patterns. Live a life of love but also remember this – not everyone deserves to have a seat at your table.

  44. hanaisflower says:

    May Allah bless you with happiness dear Alia :’) What a wonderful writing it is, truly healing for me. I have been in a poisonous relationship, still in, but still finding it hard to move on. I am pretty much broken inside due to some life circumstances and it is hard for me to love someone but when i do, i really really do. There is this one person that is so nice to me until he found someone else. He promised me but he ended up giving his heart to another. Knowing that he has been seeing someone else didn’t stop me, i said it is okay eventhough it breaks me to pieces. But things take turn for the worst, as much as i am happy with the little time he gave me, it hurts – everyday – to think that i am still around knowing that this is not going anywhere. I am treated just like a mere option, the only reason why he cant eliminate me? — I never gave him a reason to go, i say my sorry(s) even when I am not wrong, I care more than enough i’ve been nice.. :’) That’s how much I cherish that person for ‘saving’ me once. But now I have realized, people change. I am grateful that it happened, I was happy. Everyone has been telling me, I deserve better (but omg my 5 year old self inside is screaming I WANT I WANT ^^; ). & I am thinking Allah is calling me back. Let be, let go, and He will open up a path for me. Please pray for my strength, just a little bit more. I still love with all my heart no matter how wounded I am inside, but I guess letting go is another form of love too :’) Allah’s No is not a rejection but a Redirection to a greater Yes. That’s my everyday mantra now. I am tired of being sad, I want to be happy soon.

    Again thank you dear 🙂

  45. mi0wkuyut says:

    May Allah bless you with happiness dear Alia :’) What a wonderful writing it is, truly healing for me. I have been in a poisonous relationship, still in, but still finding it hard to move on. I am pretty much broken inside due to some life circumstances and it is hard for me to love someone but when i do, i really really do. There is this one person that is so nice to me until he found someone else. He promised me but he ended up giving his heart to another. Knowing that he has been seeing someone else didn’t stop me, i said it is okay eventhough it breaks me to pieces. But things take turn for the worst, as much as i am happy with the little time he gave me, it hurts – everyday – to think that i am still around knowing that this is not going anywhere. I am treated just like a mere option, the only reason why he cant eliminate me? — I never gave him a reason to go, i say my sorry(s) even when I am not wrong, I care more than enough i’ve been nice.. :’) That’s how much I cherish that person for ‘saving’ me once. But now I have realized, people change. I am grateful that it happened, I was happy. Everyone has been telling me, I deserve better (but omg my 5 year old self inside is screaming I WANT I WANT ^^; ). & I am thinking Allah is calling me back. Let be, let go, and He will open up a path for me. Please pray for my strength, just a little bit more. I still love with all my heart no matter how wounded I am inside, but I guess letting go is another form of love too :’) Allah’s No is not a rejection but a Redirection to a greater Yes. That’s my everyday mantra now. I am tired of being sad, I want to be happy soon.

    Again thank you dear 🙂

    1. Amiin ya Rabb. Alhamdulillah. I hope you’re feeling okay now, dear. May Allah grant you peace in your heart and may you be blessed always.

  46. Afni Amin says:

    These words speaks straight to my soul. Thank you for this sis. ❤

    1. Alhamdulillah. It’s my pleasure. May Allah grant you tranquility, dear. ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s