I’ll be honest with you. I get emotionally attached to people very easily. As a result, not too long ago, whenever anyone started drifting away from me, I would enter into a state of panic. I just wouldn’t allow it to happen. I would try ways and means to get her to come back. I would call. I would try to make her meet up with me. I would even try to give in to demands. I did this, even when the person was obviously not good for me.
Have you experienced this too?
There were many reasons why I acted the way I did. The most difficult to admit is that I had a fear of not being accepted by others. A part of me yearned to be validated by those around me. The thought of having people who did like me seemed like some sort of failure to me. I calculated my worth based on what others thought of me.
Well that didn’t turn out well.
I ended up hurt. I ended up getting betrayed by those who were, in reality, never true to me. I ended up feeling worse with “friends” than I ever did without. I remember running out of my house one day to sit on the staircase, sobbing hard all alone because I didn’t want to let anyone see how broken my heart had become. I was so thirsty for acceptance that I grabbed whatever water I could drink, not realising that what I reached for in my haste was salt water. Clearly, that did not quench my thirst at all. In fact, it just made me sick.
Having gone through such tough experiences, I want to share 3 tips that I hope will benefit you, in shaa allah.
Remember that you don’t need someone to complete you. Allah completes you. Always remind yourself that your mistakes and flaws don’t make you weak; they make you a fighter. Being able to be alone, with your heart centred on Allah, and still value yourself means that you can be with others without looking to them for respite and acceptance.
Having a heart that is soft in dunya that is so so hard is not meekness. It’s true courage. Smile – it’s sunnah! Learn to smile at people who just don’t want to smile back at you. Smile at those who want to bring you down. Allah knows. I’m talking about a genuine smile. Not the ‘I’m smiling at you but inside I want to punch you’ smile. Trust me, it will make you feel better. If you don’t believe me… Just try it.
In life, there should only be one race. Run towards Allah not to other people. Always ask, ‘for whose sake?’ Don’t be afraid to cut toxic people out of your life. These are the people who always seem to have a way to bring down your spirit. They are the ones who demand so much from you that even the thought of seeing them makes you exhausted. They are the ones who constantly distract you from Allah. Remember this. Our Prophet SAW was human, just like us. Although he made it a point to be compassionate to everyone he encountered, he too sought comfort in his close family members and sahabah during some difficult periods. You deserve to surround yourself with those who say the same things to your face that they do when you’re not around.
Because “by time, indeed, mankind is in loss”.